


the real reason why ghosts don't text in the movies

by Hold_My_Headphones



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Julie Molina, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), F/M, Gen, Humor, I hope, Lesbian Flynn (Julie and The Phantoms), M/M, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Texting, hold_my_headphones, julie and luke are TOTALLY a couple but neither of them are straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26795401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hold_My_Headphones/pseuds/Hold_My_Headphones
Summary: Skywalker: reggie why is ur username Pizza4LifeSkywalker: we’re deadPizza4Life: ,A,.[L#’alx,PXOIMQ[DNQxj.’;z\l,MonLocalLesbian: reggie.exe has stopped working
Relationships: Alex & Flynn (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie & Willie, Alex & Reggie & Luke Patterson, Alex & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), All the friendships - Relationship, Flynn & Julie Molina & Reggie & Willie, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 93
Kudos: 334





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just to clarify :) :  
> Luke >> Skywalker  
> Reggie >> Pizza4Life  
> Alex >> DrummerBoi  
> FLynn >> Local Lesbian  
> Julie >> Julie ((till i can think of an actual user for her))
> 
> All the jokes used in this are original unless stated otherwise  
> \- the guys/gays joke IS NOT original, I saw it on tumblr
> 
> ((totally canon universe but they figured out how to text, hope you enjoy))

_Reggie has created a group chat_

_Reggie has added Luke, Alex, Julie and Flynn_

_Reggie has changed Luke’s name to Skywalker_

_Reggie has changed Alex’s name to DrummerBoi_

_Reggie has changed his name to Pizza4Life_

_Flynn has changed her name to LocalLesbian_

**Julie:** change my name and you’ll regret it, Reggie :)

 **Skywalker:** really reggie? _skywalker?_ be better smh

 **Pizza4Life** : You don’t get better than Star Wars, LUKE!!!!!! smh

 **DrummerBoi:** REGGIE HOW DO I CHANGE MY NAME

 **Pizza4Life:** ;)

 **Pizza4Life:** no one tell him k

 **DrummerBoi:** reggie imma kill you

 **Pizza4Life:** hA u can’t we’re already dead

 **Pizza4Life:** check and mate

 **DrummerBoi:** do u even know how to play chess?

 **Pizza4Life:** julie’s been teaching me chess so ha sucks to be u

****

 **Skywalker:** reggie why is ur username Pizza4Life

 **Skywalker:** we’re dead

 **Pizza4Life:** ,A,.[L#’alx,PXOIMQ[DNQxj.’;z\l,Mon

 **LocalLesbian:** reggie.exe has stopped working

****

 **Julie:** By the way, guys, have you all signed for the party on Friday?

 **Pizza4Life:** I did indeedy

 **DrummerBoi:** Reggie y r u like this?? And yes, Julie.

 **Skywalker:** yup

 **Julie:** thanks gays

 **Skywalker:** you mean guys**

 **Julie:** But do i?

 **DrummerBoi:** but did she?

****

 **LocalLesbian:** concept: Reggie without his flannel

 **Pizza4Life:** uhm… i call biphobia

 **Pizza4Life:** it is my _god given_ bisexual right to wear my flannel!!!

 **DrummerBoi:** apparently it’s ur god given bisexual right to be dramatic as well

 **Pizza4Life:** now you’re getting it Alex

 **Julie:** ain’t no lie

 **Julie:** baby bi bi bi

 **Pizza4Life:** sorry Luke, Julie’s my new fave

 **Pizza4Life:** us bisexuals gotta stick together

 **Julie:** :)

****

 **Pizza4Life:** Alex PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **DrummerBoi:** no.

 **Pizza4Life:** i’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life?!!

 **Skywalker:** said the ghost

 **DrummerBoi:** we’ve talked about this reg

 **DrummerBoi:** no.

 **Julie:** what’s happening?

 **DrummerBoi:** reggie wants to haunt papa john in the afterlife

 **LocalLesbian:** what do you mean y’all have TALKED about this?

 **LocalLesbian:** is this just a regular conversation you guys have??

 **Pizza4Life:** …

 **Pizza4Life:** [unconvincingly] noooo

 **DrummerBoi:** what was the point of saying no IF YOU’RE LITERALLY GONNA TYPE ‘UNCONVINCINGLY’ BEFORE IT?!

 **Pizza4Life:** it’s for the _aesthetic,_ alex

 **Julie:** you wouldn’t get it

 **Skywalker:** _yeah alex_

 **DrummerBoi:** I have plenty of aesthetic!!!!

 **DrummerBoi:** or at least I would if I knew what it is 

**DrummerBoi:** luke what’s an aesthetic?

 **Skywalker:** idk man I just enjoyed annoying u

 **DrummerBoi:** i hate u

 **Skywalker:** that’s not what u were saying summer of 1995 ;)

 **DrummerBoi:** i hate u even more

 **Julie:** wait WHAT

 **Skywalker:** what

 **DrummerBoi:** what

 **Julie:** NO GUYS COME BACK

 **Julie:** wdym ‘not what u were saying summer of 1995’?!?

 **Julie:** WHAT HAPPENED SUMMER OF 1995?!?

 **Julie:** ok I’ve been abandoned y do I even try

 **Julie:** yk I would think you’d be more grateful to the girl who SAVED YOUR UNDEAD LIVES

 **Julie:** the girl who brought music back into your music-less depressing afterlives!!!!

 **Julie:** the girl let you live (not live?) in her mothers old studio!!

 **DrummerBoi:** hey!!!

 **DrummerBoi:** our afterlives were _not_ depressing

 **Julie:** u cried in a room for 25 years

 **Julie:** and didn’t get a single hug

 **DrummerBoi:** well you don’t have to be mean about it

 **DrummerBoi:** :(

 **LocalLesbian:** no its ok alex

 **LocalLesbian:** (>^. ^)><^. ^<)

 **DrummerBoi:** :)

 **Skywalker:** what did i just witness

 **LocalLesbian:** gays supporting gays

 **LocalLesbian:** duh

****

 **DrummerBoi:** reggie!!!!! what did u do to my drums???

 **Pizza4Life:** spiced ‘em up a bit, why?

 **DrummerBoi:** they smell of onion!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **DrummerBoi:** :(

 **Pizza4Life:** aww alex, turn that frown upside down!!!

 **DrummerBoi:** ):

 **Pizza4Life:** THAT IS A FREAKY WAY TO TYPE THE :( EMOJI WTH WTH WTH ALEX WTH

 **Pizza4Life:** u r a sociopath in the making

 **Pizza4Life:** ur gonna go to hell

 **DrummerBoi:** so my overly religious parents told me :)

 **Julie:** Alex

 **Julie:** no

 **Julie:** :(

 **DrummerBoi:** it’s chill i’m chill

 **Skywalker:** *narrator voice* alex was, in fact, not chill.

 **DrummerBoi:** i’ll tell them all about the christmas eve of 1985 if u annoy me

 **Pizza4Life:** oooooo ur on thin fucking ice, Patterson

 **Julie:** spill this piping hot tea r i g h t n o w

 **LocalLesbian:** actually if it happened in 1985 the tea’s probably pretty cold by now jules

 **LocalLesbian:** also _damn_ guys i forget how old-not-old y’all r sometimes

 **Skywalker:** i am not o l d

 **LocalLesbian:** ok grandpa :)

 **Julie:** ummmm no one got any questions bout xmas eve of 1985???

 **DrummerBoi:** hush child

 **DrummerBoi:** all will be revealed in time

 **LocalLesbian:** oooo storytime with grandpa

 **DrummerBoi:** WE’RE THE SAME AGE

****

 **Julie:** GUYS GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW

 **Skywalker:** IS EVERYTHING OK???

 **Julie:** yeah but ur missing Flynn vs Carrie the showdown

 **Skywalker:** be right there

 **Pizza4Life:** I’M VIDEOING THIS

 **Pizza4Life:** where’s Alex???

 **Skywalker:** with _William_

 **DrummerBoi:** I’M BACK I’M NOT MISSING THIS I’LL BE RIGHT THERE

_Pizza4Life has sent (1) video_

**DrummerBoi:** holy mother of lettuce Flynn you were _not_ holding back

 **DrummerBoi:** also well done Flynn i’m very proud of you

 **Julie:** reggie are you even legally allowed that video???

 **Pizza4Life:** where r they gonna send me huh? ghost jail?

 **Pizza4Life:** HOLY MOLY WE’RE NOT ON THE SYSTEM ANYMORE

 **Pizza4Life:** WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT

 **Pizza4Life:** LIFE OF CRIME HERE I COME

 **Pizza4Life:** also Flynn you’re my new hero please teach me your ways

 **LocalLesbian:** you wish :)

****

 **Pizza4Life:** julie!!!! buy some pizza at the store this time k

 **Pizza4Life:** none of that ‘healthy’ stuff Ray’s so into rn

 **Julie:** you’re dead

 **Julie:** u can’t eat pizza

 **Pizza4Life:** pizza is my the love of my life

 **Pizza4Life:** my darling beloved

 **Pizza4Life:** my one and only

 **Pizza4Life:** death doth not do us apart

 **Julie:** doesn’t change the fact that your intestines are made of air

 **Pizza4Life:** sexy air

 **Julie:** read, 1:00pm

 **DrummerBoi:** did she just-

 **Skywalker:** damn Molina

****

 **DrummerBoi:** my main source of entertainment right now is watching luke freak out over his date with julie

 **Skywalker:** IT MIGHT NOT BE A DATE

 **Skywalker:** like maybe it’s just as friends???

 **DrummerBoi:** she literaly said ‘it’s a date’ how much more clarification do you need dumbass???

 **DrummerBoi:** i honestly thought death would be more interesting than giving luke advice on his vaguely dismal love life

 **Julie:** alex ur literally in a ghost rock band with a ghost boyfriend and got your soul possessed like all in the last three weeks how much more interesting do u want

 **Julie:** and, also

 **Julie:** Luke

 **Julie:** this is definitely a date

 **Julie:** dress nicely :)

 **Skywalker:** what do I wear???? Alex h e l p m e

 **DrummerBoi:** i’m gay not your fashion slave

 **DrummerBoi:** plus i have a date with Willie so suffer alone

 **DrummerBoi:** and preferably in silence

 **Skywalker:** noooooooooo Alex come back

 **Skywalker:** alex?

 **Skywalker:** betrayal in the face

 **Slywalker:** friendship? i don’t know her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> terrible? cringey? painful to read? below average? please tell me in the comments and brighten up my day :) ((anyone got any ideas for julie's user? ty!)  
> should I continue or not?


	2. Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two of this shitty thing that i really hope people enjoy :)  
> tell me in the comments what you wanna see and i'll definitely incorporate it! :)  
> also:  
> local lesbian >> flynn  
> drummerboi >> alex  
> pizza4life >> reggie  
> skywalker >> luke  
> julie >> julie

**Pizza4Life:** ok so me and Luke were following Alex on his date with Willie

 **DrummerBoi:** you were WHAT????

 **Pizza4Life:** hush now Alex its only a minor invasion of privacy

 **Skywalker:** yeah nowhere near as bad as the time we went through Julie’s entire room within the first week of meeting her

 **Julie:** YOU’RE STILL NOT FORGIVEN FOR THAT!!! >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

 **Skywalker:** please jules???? :(

 **Julie:** fine you’re forgiven :)

 **Skywalker:** :)

 **LocalLesbian:** simp

 **DrummerBoi:** which one of them???

 **LocalLesbian:** both tbh

 **LocalLesbian:** _simps_

 **DrummerBoi:** OK CAN WE TALK ABOUT YOU TWO LITERALLY S T A L K I N G ME???

 **Skywalker:** ehhh no not rly

 **Pizza4Life:** yeah let’s not

 **Julie:** kjdbfksuybjadbiwleb Willie has a skateboard

 **Alex:** yeah???

 **Julie:** FLYNN you know what that means

 **LocalLesbian:** I DO

 **LocalLesbian:** HE WAS A SK8ERBOI

 **Julie:** ~~S~~ HE SAID SEE YOU L8ER BOI

 **LocalLesbian:** NOW HE’S A SUPERSTAR

 **Julie:** SLAMMING ON HIS GUITAR

 **DrummerBoi:**???

 **Skywalker:**???

 **Pizza4Life:** DOES YOUR PRETTY FACE SEE WHAT HE'S WORTH?

 **Skywalker:** reggie do yk what they’re talking about???

 **Pizza4Life:** duh

 **Pizza4Life:** #get with the cool kids gramps

 **Skywalker:** WE’RE THE SAME AGE

 **DrummerBoi:** ok it’s time to calm down

 **LocalLesbian:** as much as I hate the idea julie we have class in 10 we gotta go

 **Pizza4Life:** oooo wait for me!!!

 **Julie:** yeah idk either k sometimes Reggie comes to some of my classes when he’s bored don’t ask

 **Julie:** sometimes he looks at the mark scheme during tests and tells me the answers so no complaints

 **Julie:** yeah damn right my emotional support himbo ghost is better than yours

****

 **Skywalker:** GUYS WHY IS JULIE CRYING???

 **DrummerBoi:** I have my drumsticks and I am not afraid to use them

 **DrummerBoi:** ((as a weapon for whoever hurt Julie, just to be clear))

 **Skywalker:** MY BRAIN CAN’T HANDLE CRYING GIRLS

 **Skywalker:** MY HEART CAN’T HANDLE CRYING JULIE

 **LocalLesbian:** well aren’t you just adorable, Patterson

 **Pizza4Life:** oooo threatening best friend mode activated

 **LocalLesbian:** ALSO WHY IS MY DARLING BEST FRIEND CRYING WHO DO I NEED TO FIGHT

 **Pizza4Life** : anyone who hurts Julie will face my wrath!!!

 **Julie:** i love all of you but y’all need to chill

 **Julie:** it’s just _that_ time of month again

 **DrummerBoi:** ohhhhhh

 **LocalLesbian:** ohhhhhhh

 **Pizza4Life:** ohhhhhhh

 **Skywalker:** ???

 **Pizza4Life:** oh ofc Luke doesn’t know about that he never had a sister 

**Skywalker:** I don’t get it???

 **Skywalker:** why would it matter if I had a sister or not???

 **Skywalker:** is there just a random date every month that girls start crying????

 **LocalLesbian:** tbh close enough

 **Skywalker:** e x p l a i n

 **DrummerBoi:** i am currently watching Flynn e x p l i a i n i n g

 **Julie:** try not to traumatise the boy too badly, Flynn

 **Julie:** i _would_ prefer a fully functioning boyfriend yk

 **DrummerBoi:** oh no. i think Flynn broke Luke

 **Pizza4Life:** at the scene, can confirm

_Pizza4Life sent (1) video_

**DrummerBoi:** Julie come collect him

 **DrummerBoi:** your ghost singer-boyfriend, your responsibility

 **Julie:** your ghost singer-bandmate, your responsibility

 **Pizza4Life:** status update: he’s screaming into a pillow again

 **DrummerBoi:** i relate on a cellular level

 **LocalLesbian:** don’t we all

 **LocalLesbian:** also i literally can’t see Luke’s reaction I’m explaining it to him but i’m legitimately just talking to air

 **LocalLesbian:** that video reggie just sent just glitches my phone

 **Pizza4Life:** oh yeah i forgot u aren’t graced with our awesome faces 24/7

 **LocalLesbian:** i thank god for the small blessings

 **Drummerboi:** r o a s t e d

 **Pizza4Life:** Flynn’s meanness asside

 **Pizza4Life:** aside*

 **DrummerBoi:** asside

 **Locallesbian:** a s s i d e

 **Julie:** _asside_

 **Pizza4Life:** ishoiwnugxfqkfqwygevfyqvefyq

 **Pizza4Life:** AS I WAS SAYING

 **Julie:** saying?? u mean texting??

 **DrummerBoi:** no Reggie literally says his texts out loud as he types them

_DrummerBoi has sent (1) video_

**DrummerBoi:** grandpa

 **Julie:** hA

 **Pizza4Life:** :’(

 **LocalLesbian:** all i see is a video of empty space and a bit of glitching :’(

 **LocalLesbian:** but hA anyways

 **Pizza4Life:** ok as i was TEXTING

 **Pizza4Life:** luke is still screaming into a pillow

 **Julie:** he’ll recover

 **Pizza4Life:** i hope he doesn’t

 **Pizza4Life:** yesterday he said that country music is _i n f e r i o r_ to rock

 **Julie:** welllllllllllll

 **Julie:** i mean…

 **DrummerBoi:** JULIE NO DON’T START THIS

 **DrummerBoi:** PLS NO I WENT THROUGH THIS EVERY DAY BACK IN 1995

 **DrummerBoi:** YOU WILL UNLEASH A MONSTER

 **DrummerBoi:** HE IS VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT COUNTRY MUSIC

 **Pizza4Life:** JULIE MOLINA

 **Pizza4Life:** WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???

 **DrummerBoi:** oh god you’ve unleashed the beast

 **DrummerBoi:** _not this again_

 **DrummerBoi:** i’m out

 **DrummerBoi:** i’m gonna go record Luke screaming into a pillow then remix it to the tune of wake up

 **LocalLesbian:** damn alex

 **LocalLesbian:** rly feeling it huh?

****

 **Pizza4Life:** is it gay to highlight your notes for fun???

 **DrummerBoi:** yes

 **DrumerBoi:** do it in pink just to make sure tho

 **DrummerBoi:** solidify the gayness reg

****

 **Skywalker:** hey do u think that maple tree tastes like maple syrup

 **DrummerBoi:** don’t be weak

 **DrummerBoi:** try it out and find out yourself

 **Julie:** n o you’re gonna d i e

 **DrummerBoi:** we’re ghosts Molina i don’t think it works like that

 **Skywalker:** i tried to check but

 **Julie:** WDYM YOU TRIED TO??? DID YOU ATTEMPT TO EAT THE WOOD OF A MAPLE TREE?????

 **Skywalker:** we can’t eat real food :(

 **Pizza4Life:** find a ghost tree then eat it

 **Pizza4Life:** and also

 **Pizza4Life:** no maple tree bark doesn’t taste much like maple syrup :(

 **Julie:** and you know this how???

 **Pizza4Life:** would u believe me if i told you we learned it in school??

 **Julie:** no

 **Pizza4Life:** it was worth a try

 **Pizza4Life:** anyways so as a baby i ate tree bark a lot

 **Pizza4Life:** i think that’s how baby me tried to cope with existing

 **LocalLesbian:** those last two sentences out of context are honestly just trains of thoughts on another plane of existence

 **Skywalker:** i’m slightly worried that I _wasn’t_ worried by that sentence tbh

 **DrummerBoi:** slightly worried that baby reggie eating tree bark as a coping mechanism _didn’t_ shock me in the slightest

 **Skywalker:** also reggie WDYM GHOST TREE???

 **Skywalker:** what sort of unfinished business would a tree have???

 **Pizza4Life:** Thomas the Tree and the Unfinished Business of Killing The Woodchopper That Chopped Down His Beloved

 **DrummerBoi:** i would watch that movie

 **Pizza4Life:** ok so basically it’s all about this tree who’s girlfriend was chopped down by the government so the when the tree (who’s name is Thomas) gets chopped down he becomes a ghost he goes on a journey of revenge as he overthrows the government and then

 **Pizza4Life:** BOOM tree dictatorship

 **LocalLesbian:** they chop humans down and make paper out of them

 **LocalLesbian:** the FBI agent who tracks my phone usage is really weirded out rn

 **Locallesbian:** ((i call him Gerald))

 **Pizza4Life:** hey Gerald!!

 **Pizza4Life:** we’re julie and the phantoms

 **Pizza4Life:** tell your friends ;)

 **Julie:** tell me when you guys get a notification that says ‘the FBI wants to know your location’

 **DrummerBoi:** Thomas the Tree’s Unfinished Business

 **Pizza4Life:** the best psychological thriller of 2k20

 **LocalLesbian:** coming to cinemas near you

 **Pizza4Life:** tell your friends ;)

 **Skywalker:** …

 **Skywalker:** yeah i would totally watch that movie why am i even trying to deny it

 **Julie:** pls god give me strength

****

 **Pizza4Life:** hey remember luke's jorts back in 1994??

 **SKywalker:** SHUT UP 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't wanna hear about my dismal failing love life you can probably skip this end note now :)  
> i have a crush on one of my best friends someone h e l p  
> ((i'm not out to anyone irl so the internet is legitimately slowly becoming my ranting outlet)  
> i dont know if she's straight but she sad she'd "love to wear a suit to her wedding" LIKE THAT'S NOT VERY HETERO WHAT DO I DO???/  
> shE sAId i HAVE NICE LEGS AND I RESPONDED 'RIGHT BACK AT YOU BABE' AND GAVE HER FINGERGUNS pls pls help me i am a distaster bi  
> we were having this text conversation and she was like 'this is why i'm madly in love with you' and she always sends me these gifs with the cartoons that are like 'all my love for you' BUT SHE'S PROBABLY STRAIGHT AND MY HEART CAN'T HANDLE THISSSS  
> so the situation is that bc of the fact that i'm bi but like 97% leaning towards girls i've always kept a rly rly tight handle on my emotions especially as my (single) dad is like homophobe no.1 ((i'm not out to ANYBODY)) so i've always totally shut myself off from anyone i started to crush on bc like... internalised homophobia, right?? BUT SHE'S BEEN ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS SINCE WE WERE LIKE 9 SHE'S LITERALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS so i'm just spilling out all of my emotions onto the end notes of my fic :)  
> thank you for reading and comments and kudos make my day so much better :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of band-fathers, robert downey junior, rock and roland, mullets and THE JORTS  
> ((chaotic bullshit volume III))

**DrummerBoi:** i’m a ghost who’s riddled with life problems

 **DrummerBoi:** at this point i think god just has a vendetta against me

****

 **Pizza4Life:** i wanna be a comedian because then people will _literally pay me_ to just talk uninterrupted be forced to listen to me

 **DrummerBoi:** dictatorship works as well ;)

 **LocalLesbian:** should i be worried about your mental state?

 **DrummerBoi:** without a doubt :)

********

**Julie:** *coughs loudly*

 **Julie:** j o r t s ? ? ?

 **Pizza4Life:** buckle up this is gonna be a hell of a ride

 **Skywalker:** nOoOoO dOn’T tell

 **Pizza4Life:** i’m telling :) (that was an evil smile)

 **Skywalker:** reggie your betrayal wounds me like a knife in the nether regions :(

 **DrummerBoi:** did u just say ‘knife in the nether regions’???

 **DrummerBoi:** i would like to know what prompted you to such a thought

 **DrummerBoi:** actually forget it no i wouldn’t

 **DrummerBoi:** pls keep your weird dick-stabbing thoughts away from me

 **Pizza4Life:** ANYWAYS

 **Pizza4Life:** luke’s jorts, as narrated by reginald and alexander, circa summer 1994

 **DrummerBoi:** once upon a time, there was a boy with a bleak and depressing fashion sense…

 **Skywalker:** objection!! my fashion sense was very in!!

 **DrummerBoi:** and one fateful day, this boy discovered jorts…

 **Pizza4Life:** and proceeded to wear them for the _entirety of the summer_

_DrummerBoi has sent (1) photo_

_Pizza4Life has sent (1) photo_

**Julie:** luke patterson i’m breaking up with you

 **Pizza4Life:** some of our… more _enthusiastic_ female fans were actually very very very fond of luke’s jorts

 **Pizza4Life:** it was kinda creepy actually

 **Skywalker:** oh no no no we are NOT going into that

 **LocalLesbian:** so your fans had a jorts fetish??

 **DrummerBoi:** honestly yeah 

_DrummerBoi has sent (1) photo_

****

 **Skywalker:** alex’s greatest weakness is willie’s hair pass it on

 **DrummerBoi:** pls stop exposing me

****

 **DrummerBoi:** honestly there was a time when i thought i was straight and that scares me

 **Pizza4Life:** honestly there was a time when I thought and that scares me

 **LocalLesbian:** honestly there was a time and that scares me

********

**Julie:** LUKE YOU FORGOT TO COME TO REHEARSAL AGAIN

 **Julie:** THIS IS THE THIRD TIME IN A ROW

 **Skywalker:** IT IS NOT THE _THIRD TIME_

 **Pizza4Life:** it’s like I never left home :)

****

 **Julie:** ok so mullets were popular in the 80’s

 **Julie:** so hear me out

 **Julie:** baby reggie with a mullet

 **Pizza4Life:** actually it was baby luke with the mullet

 **Skywalker:** it was _not a mullet_

 **Pizza4Life:** yes it was

 **DrummerBoi:** yes it was

_DrummerBoi has sent (1) picture_

**Skywalker:** i quit the band

****

 **Julie:** i just called luke stupid and he told me not to speak ill of the dead

 **LocalLesbian:** once i called alex ugly and he told me to respect his elders

****

 **Julie:** why is carlos mad at ray???

 **Pizza4Life:** because Ray put smelly vegetables in a used ice cream box

 **DrummerBoi:** honestly ‘smelly vegetables in an ice cream box’ literally describes me at this point

 **Skywalker:** s e x y

 **DrummerBoi:** y r u like dis????

****

 **Julie:** still tryna find out about what happened during the summer of 1995

****

_Private Messaging // DrummerBoi >> Skywalker_

**DrummerBoi:** luke are we telling her???

 **Skywalker:** i mean she knows i’m not straight

 **Skywalker:** i mean it’s not really a big deal if she finds out but idk if i actually wanna tell her yet yk?

 **DrummerBoi:** yeah i get it i mean i don’t wanna accidentally change the vibe of the band or anything but at the same time I don’t think julie would actually care

 **DrummerBoi:** I mean it all happened literally _twenty five years ago_

 **Skywalker:** yeah

 **Skywalker:** i'll probably tell her in my own time yk?

 **DrummerBoi:** sure man :)

 **Skywalker:** love you alex

 **DrummerBoi:** love you too idiot

****

 **DrummerBoi:** you ain’t gonna eva find out molina

 **Skywalker:** ;)

****

 **Pizza4Life:** can i get an amen for our band-father and saviour Ray Patterson?

**Julie:** _band father????_

**LocalLesbian:** i mean he’s not wrong tho

 **Julie:** he thinks ???? that you guys ???? are swedish holograms ????

**Pizza4Life:** _as i said,_

**Pizza4Life:** can i get an amen for our band-father and saviour Ray Patterson?

**LocalLesbian: _amen_**

**LocalLesbian:** ((what?? At least Ray didn’t leave to ‘get milk’ like my other father))

**DrummerBoi: _amen_**

**DrummerBoi:** ((what?? At least Ray didn’t kick me out of the house for something i could never control like my other father))

**Skywalker: _amen_**

**Skywalker:** ((what? At least he supports my dreams unlike my other father))

 **Pizza4Life:** so in conclusion 3 ghosts + 1 band manager get adopted by our lord and saviour father of six Ray Molina

 **Julie:** guess i’ll just share my dad with y’all then

 **Julie:** also _damn_ you guys rly drew the short straw with some of your fathers

 **Pizza4Life:** and with quite a few of our mothers too ngl

 **Pizza4Life:** but no time to talk about our spicy memories rn

 **Julie:** s p i c y memories????

 **DrummerBoi:** he means our life tea

 **Julie:** l i f e t e a ???

 **Skywalker:** trauma **.** they mean trauma

********

**DrummerBoi:** OJSDBIAYGFAEFBAHDKBFIQKHAEFIKGSB

 **Pizza4Life:** isajaldjfnwurfhwyig8p748qyg78RBAIFBAUFEU

 **Skywalker:** ASHBYDFYQ38GRHEAVFAUEVHADV

 **Julie:**? ? ?

 **LocalLesbian:** they just found out what Robert Downey Jr looks like now

 **Pizza4Life:** DAMN

 **DrummerBoi:** DAYUM

 **Skywalker:** D A M N N N N

 **Pizza4Life:** ok I remember him in ‘tuff turf’ back in the 90’s and DAMN he has aged like FINE WINE

 **Skywalker:** REMEMBER HIM IN HEART AND SOULS?!?!???

 **DrummerBoi:** AND IN SOAPDISH

 **DrummerBoi:** RDJ WAS LITERALLY MY GAY AWAKENING AND THAT’S THE TEA

 **Skywalker:** he has so many new movies that we’ve missed

 **Pizza4Life:** OMG YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS

 **Pizza4Life:** RDJ MOVIE MARATHONNNNNN

 **Skywalker:** hey julie! wanna join???

 **Pizza4Life:** flynn you gotta come too

 **Pizza4Life:** btw that was not a question it was a threat

****

 **Julie:** did i just watch 3 ghosts from 1995 thirst over Robert Downey Jr for six hours straight???

 **Pizza4Life:** no regrets

 **Pizza4Life:** *peace sign*

 **Julie:** when did life come to this

****

 **Julie:** ok so reggie wasn’t kidding when he said he shredded on the banjo

 **Skywalker:** oh yeah he took like lessons and everything

 **DrummerBoi:** he had this hot music instructor called Roland

 **Skywalker:** man i remember roland!!!

 **DrummerBoi:** people used to call him rock & roland

 **LocalLesbian:** yes ok but like _banjo lessons_?

 **LocalLesbian:** elaborate please

 **Pizza4Life:** i literally just did it to annoy my mum

 **Pizza4Life:** plus alex wasn’t wrong about roland being hot so it was a win win

 **Julie:** you guys were really living the life back in 1995 huh?

 **DrummerBoi:** we died because we ate bad hotdogs

 **Pizza4Life:** all things considered not a bad way to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO UNDERSTOOD THE MULLET REFERENCE??? ((LEAVE ME A COMMENT IF YOU UNDERSTOOD IT!))  
> and YES i am considering writing a luke alex exes oneshot simply for the purpose of titling it 'your ex-lover is dead'  
> and an angst alex one shot titled 'my body is a cage'  
> in my defence it's just that those two song titles won't stop invading my mind because like they just fit s o p e r f e c t l y with these concepts 
> 
> ok now get ready for Tales of a Disaster Bi (the author) Part 2 ((stop reading now if you don't wanna hear about my dismal love life)):  
> OK SO I WAS GONNA ASK ABOUT SEXUALITY  
> BUT SHE BROUGHT IT UP FIRST?!!?!?!  
> she was talking about how loads of people were pressurized into having labels and then kinda REALLY heavily hinted that she likes women and non binary people as well as men  
> then i asked her about what labels she did or didn't go by  
> and then she said 'i think i'm heterosexual but i've got a long way to go'  
> THEN SAID 'BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T APPRECIATE WOMEN'  
> and t h e n ranted about how it was rly unfair that in a lot of places gay couples were only allowed civil partnerships and said (and i quote) 'I don't want a civil partnership with my future partner i want a proper marriage' IS SHE IMPLYING THAT HER FUTURE PARTNER MAY NOT BE A MAN??? LIKE SHE SAID PARTNER AND SHE USED THEY/THEM PRONOUNS WHEN REFERRING TO A FUTURE SIGNIFICANT OTHER  
> and then we had a conversation about the legalization of gay marriage in india ((it only happened in sept. 2018 which is stupidly recent)) and she knew like LOADS ABOUT IT and that's not very straight ? ? ?  
> but ALSO i should mention both our parents are very traditional (we're both british-indians) (we live in Britain if anyone was actually curious) and homophobic so like coming out is a h u g e deal  
> and also SHE ASKED WHAT MY SEXUALITY WAS but then i panicked way to hard about telling her my sexuality (i'm literally a total closet case you guys are the only people who know about my sexuality rip me) because my dad is really really h o m o p h o b i c and if he finds out... yeah let's not go into that  
> so i just said 'haven't spared romance a second thought since i popped out of the womb babe' and that was that because i didn't wanna say i was straight BECAUSE WHAT IF SHE ASKED ME ABOUT MY SEXUALITY BECAUSE SHE WAS I N T E R E S T E D  
> and yeah that's the situation on my gay disaster life :)
> 
> thank you for reading and comments and kudos make me go <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


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